I Thought He Was Being Nice

I recently tried to trade in my Highlander for an Odyssey.

Upon leaving the following interaction transpired…

Service Director (talking to Autumn): Bye honey!
Autumn (looking beyond annoyed): I’M NOT YOUR HONEY! (pushes through the door and walks outside)
Me: I don’t think she  appreciated your stereotypical, sexist goodbye.


You can look at this two different ways…
1. The Service Director was just being nice. Autumn was being rude.
2. Smash the patriarchy. Autumn called the Service Director out on sexism. Ignorant sexism, but sexism nonetheless.


My initial, internal, reaction to Autumn’s response was, “Oh my god! How could she be so rude?!”. I’m embarrassed to say I almost made her come back inside to apologize for yelling.

Thankfully, I didn’t.

Autumn doesn’t know that people outside her inner most circle freely throw those terms around, but only when talking to girls. She doesn’t know they use words like “sport” and “champ” when talking to boys because we don’t use them with our boys; All of my children are sugar-pie-honey-bun-love-dove or darlin’.

My spirited spitfire of an almost 5 year old knows, without us ever having told her, that words like “honey” and “sweetie” are reserved for the closest of the closest (Mommy and Daddy, Nana and Grandma Mo). And to everyone else she’s… “just Autumn”.

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2 thoughts on “I Thought He Was Being Nice

  1. cynthia Rielley

    Started to respond to this 6 or 7 times. I am only responding as I feel called to due to the title. I am not going to argue this point with you as my opinion of you and your child rearing should not matter to you as your opinions of mine should not matter to me. I am trying to raise people who are comfortable in their own skin. Whatever others call them or refer to them as should not affect them. If they respect and honor themselves they should not see someone saying a mild positive statement as an attack or challenge to their gender or core self. I do not particularly care for being called Ma’am, I am often referred to as this. I take it as a person attempting to use a term of respect and choose not to see everything as a challenge. It makes me more peaceful and less angry. We need, in my opinion. more being and less fighting.

    1. Kasandra Ivers Post author

      Thank you for your engagement. I agree, there is no need to argue.

      I also agree it is important for people not to derive their self worth off the opinion of others. I, too, am also trying to raise individuals not only comfortable in their skin, but in tune with their feelings and comfortable and confident enough to voice them.

      Autumn’s uninhabited display of confidence brought a smile to my face.
      The girl is fearless (unless there is a bug…then she’s a ball of hysterics and tears)


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